I Think I’m Having a Pre-Midlife Crisis

Do women have those or are they only for men? Whatever the deal, something’s going on. I am an autistic with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, which makes things really fun in my household. I have my ways and routines, but when I need a change, one must change right along with me and remember that change! My poor mom tried to keep up and would Christmas shop throughout the year, only for me to have moved to something else. She was a strong woman and a hell of a mother.

I woke up one morning in 2018 and decided I wanted to go back to school. Like any normal person, I did my research and discussed it with my husband, and made plans to speak with college recruiters and staff over the phone. No, I didn’t. I hopped out of bed and looked online for a while and enrolled in college and started classes a few weeks later.

I decided to major in psychology, which has always interested me, and I thought I could work as a therapist for telehealth. I can’t drive and am a recluse, so this seemed perfect. Then came sociology class. I don’t know about most autistics, but I know rigid thinking is a biggie and you can’t have that in sociology or psychology. Autism coupled with the adult version of oppositional defiance disorder (ODD) is not a good mix for a psychologist.

My sociology professor and I bumped heads quite a bit and I vowed to switch majors after acing that class, which KILLED me to conform and “think differently” than I think. In other words, I bullshitted my way through the class, but it caused me a great deal of stress, which my husband had to endure.

So I switched majors to criminal justice. I had recently changed careers from medical transcription to legal transcription (see? Midlife crisis!) and figured I needed to know about the judicial system to improve my work and expand my learning. In case you’re wondering, legal transcription is really boring.

In the midst of all this, my big brother dies and turns my world upside down and tears me apart. I looked up to him A LOT and could not deal with him and Mom being gone.

So, a few classes into criminal justice, what comes up for my next class after some criminal justice ones? Sociology II! Not gonna happen. I can’t take the stress and the grief and the depression…I just couldn’t do it. I had to take a leave of absence from school.

I’m working as a general transcriptionist by this time and it’s getting boring, too. With medical transcription being done in India now, those jobs are drying up, so I left the field a bit by force. Legal transcription didn’t do it for me. Now general transcription is lacking.

Now, I’m writing, which is what I’ve wanted to do my entire life. Technology has made that more attainable than it was, and it’s something I really love to do. But it’s not easy getting into the writing field. At all. There’s the whole Catch-22 thing about needing experience, but no one willing to give you that experience.

So I’m on my third major, which is marketing with a concentration in digital marketing. My financial aid ended, so I need to sort that out and hopefully start classes in October. My husband has a knack for writing as well, and I would love to work with him. He’s been disabled since getting pneumonia from one of the many times he stayed by my mom’s side when she was in the hospital battling cancer. He would stay with her for weeks at a time, and even though he was treated for pneumonia in 2014, he still can’t breathe.

I feel hopeful, but it’s a struggle. We are NOT hanging on financially and I don’t know what the future holds. I won’t stop trying, though, and no one can ever say I didn’t give my all.

Published by Amanda Riley

Amanda is a freelance content and blog writer for companies from WV. She loves reading, writing, and crocheting. #AutismAtWork

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