Geez, Louise! I just finished watching Riverdale’s season 4 premiere, and I was not ready for that!
Season 4, episode 1 addresses the untimely death of actor Luke Perry, Beverly Hills 90210 alum/heartthrob, who played Archie’s father, Fred Andrews, on Riverdale. I avoided watching it (and anything else that is not horror-related) because I’ve become super emotional since losing my mom and big brother, but I thought enough time had passed that I could watch it without crying. I was wrong. It made me think about my mom, which made me think about my brother. It wasn’t pretty.
I lived with my mom my whole life. She was my constant. I can’t drive, so she took me everywhere and was always with me. My now-husband moved in with us, and when her cancer came back, he’s the one who cooked for her and took her to appointments and stayed with her in the hospital.
I thought staying home while she was in the hospital would make things easier when she was gone. (FYI, that doesn’t work; don’t try it.) I regret that every day. I should have laid down with her all the times she wanted me to or just sat with her instead of staying in my room and working or reading. If I didn’t pay attention to it, it wasn’t real, right?
This is getting too heavy and making me really sad. I wanted to share a song that I love. Mom died before I got married, and I played this song for the bride-mother of the bride dance at the reception. I tried dancing to it with Mom’s sister, but I broke down and couldn’t do it.